So I’m just gonna say it. I was an ugly person this morning. Like really ugly. Andrew and I work together and we try, whenever possible, to drive in together. It’s often the highlight of my day. He drives while I put on my makeup, riding shotgun. Sometimes we listen to music or sports radio. Sometimes we talk and plan logistics out for the week to keep our family schedule straight. Sometimes we hold hands (awwww!). Sometimes we talk shop. Sometimes the dashboard becomes my imaginary drum kit. Guilty as charged.
This morning we rode in silence. Not because we were worked up over the Super Bowl loss, but because I was ugly and sometimes my words are like being hit in the head with a fish hook. Let’s just say, when I want them to, they can stick with you, held on by a barb so you can’t just brush them off. Ugh.
The early part of the morning was firing on all cylinders of normalcy. Here’s where you discover just how awesome Andrew really is. All mornings start the same. He sleeps less, so I can sleep more. He gets up, so I don’t have to. I know, you’re seeing green, right? Here’s how it goes: baby cries, Andrew gets up with him and lets the dog out in the process. Bishop rises next and the boys (whether two or three depending on the day) are now enthralled with breakfast and a cartoon. While the cartoon plays and we’re eaten out of house and home, Andrew showers in record time and then nudges me to get out of bed. I groan then eventually cave to the new day. As I shower, Andrew gets the boys dressed, cleans up from breakfast, and solves world peace. Every. Day. No. Kidding.
And yet, I still get ugly. Today, as we’re walking out to the driveway, Andrew has his work bag in hand. And me? Lets paint this picture…I’m carrying more crap than I clearly can handle. Remember Gus-Gus from Cinderella trying to gather the corn up only for it to explode everywhere? Ya, that’s me. I left the house with my work bag, my wallet, a bottle of water, another water container that I intend to pour my bottled water into to drink, a blender bottle for my midday protein shake, an apple, my jacket (not on), my phone, and my lunch bag. For. Real.
As I walk to get in the car, one by one, each of these items come loose from my arms. And I lost it. Legit lost my cool, screaming like a total nut job in the middle of the driveway in our quiet cul-de-sac neighborhood. Yeppers. Happy Monday.
Now insert my barbed fish hook words. I blamed Andrew. Logical, I know. I mean, clearly my lack of organization, and need to sleep in, did not in anyway lead to me grabbing up items to leave the house with like I was on an episode of “Shop Til You Drop”. Pffft. So then I proceed to dress him down in the driveway with some version of “Why didn’t you help me?! Can’t you see I’m struggling?!” as he shakes his head at me, grabs my stuff off the ground, and hops in the driver’s seat. #wifefail
Insert very quiet ride into the office with the ugly wife.
So why do I share? Because I’m human and oh so capable of being such. We all are. I knew, sitting silently in the car, that Andrew had already forgiven my actions. By 9:15 and three sips of coffee deep, I had begun the work to forgive myself.
Here’s the deal. We’re not perfect (though Andrew is close). My prayer…cut yourself some slack. This world has enough stacked against us. Show yourself some love, some grace. Be ugly if you need to from time to time, but be quick to apologize. Onto Tuesday.