This past holiday season I found myself drastically empowered to flip the way I thought about my body. I had reached my highest (non-pregnant) weight, tipping the scale 35 pounds heavier than I was on my wedding day. I felt gross. I felt constantly tired. I felt a strong desire to toss piles upon piles of clothing that sat in my closet, unworn, for over 4 years.
I did not throw away the clothes. Instead I sat, I deeply prayed in solace, and when I emerged I went to my husband and told him that I have been called to make major changes. For me. How could I continue to hate on myself, thinking and speaking over myself the ugliest of words. For my boys. They see and take in everything. Surely they saw me change my outfit countless times each morning as I stepped onto the scale, my head hanging down. For my husband. The man that has taken me for life and shows boundless love to me regardless of the form my body takes. For my God. How could I continue disrespect the body that was made in his image?
And so I was awaken. I forgave myself for the poor diet and the excessive excuse making. I claimed victory. I claimed my worth. And I made change.
Since Dec 26th I have taken on a new life style. I hit the gym 3-4 days a week, I fill my body with nourishment that is largely plant based. I drink coffee in the morning only and water the rest of the day; A LOT of water! My kids are obsessed with making smoothies with Mom and Dad and love coming along to the gym with us where there is a daycare they can play at during our workouts. Our oldest is even getting coached by one of the trainers there and works his tail off. Sure beats video games.
The battle ensues. Every day takes a conscious effort. I didn’t gain the weight overnight, and it’s not coming off overnight either. My victories have been largely non-scale victories. More energy. Clothing fitting better. Self-worth at a peak. The scale victories are more gradual. To date I have dropped 18 pounds.
I write this post today because I have hit the half way mark back to that “target” weight. Notice the quotation marks. I also write this to say that there is now no target number because my perception of the whole process to get healthy, rather than get that number, has been birthed. Now it’s a feeling. It’s a discovery of my worth. It’s an example for and a legacy to my kids. And it’s the declaration that my body is a temple.