Things I Never Thought I’d Say

As I walk through this journey called parenthood I am so often reminded that God has a sense of humor. Many times in conversation with other moms about interactions with their kids, I hear them let out a deep sigh followed by the statement “I sounded just like my mother”. That’s not my experience. Rather, the things that come out of my mouth I can’t believe ANYONE says, never mind my own mother.

Ahhh…the life of a boy mom. So grab yourself a bottle of wine…sit back…and start chugging. Kidding. Kinda.

Here’s my current top 10 statements that have left my lips. And just to recover some decency points these were all said without cussing. It’s an art. Ok, this is real life in the Heath house, here we go…

#10 “Buddy, the wall is not an acceptable place to wipe your boogers. Please use your shirt.”

#9 “Hey! Are you pooping in the pantry again?”

#8 “We don’t eat dog food…ever.”

#7 “Buddy, I’ll give you an ice cream sandwich if you take 3 bites of your omelet.”

#6 “Because we can’t go to Target naked.”

#5 “Take your finger out of your butt.”

#4 “Please stop licking your brother’s eyeball!”

#3 “When you have three kids you’ll be this crazy, too!”

#2 “What makes you think that it is ok to pee on the carpet like a puppy?”

#1 “If you do that one more time I am taking your iPad away for LIFE!”‘


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